Coffee. It makes us fans of the Second Amendment.

And Constantina Tomescu Dita of Romania is the oldest, at age 39, to win the women's marathon in Beijing. Here's hoping she didn't boost her blood to do it.

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Damn you, Brita Steffan! The upstart Deutsch bitch one-ups Dara Torres (and everyone else) in the women's 50m freestyle. I started to have a gut feeling, "Awww, fuck. This isn't good. We gotta figure things out, or the Aussies are gonna upstage us too in the 4 x 100m medley relay."

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NBC called the men's 1500m freestyle "The Super Bowl of Sport" in Australia. Are sure it's that and not the AFL Grand Final? Apparently he hasn't been following the footy.

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Grant Hackett hacked his effort to win the 1500m. He procrastined in the pool and ruined it for himself. Tunisia's Oussama Mellouli, who also trains and lives in the States, gived the country their first swimming gold. He is the next small country hero of note. In Tunis, it is a party down there, for Mellouli is now a hero.

But Hackett got only silver, with Ryan Cochrane of Canada getting the bronze. Mellouli is to Tunisia and Kirsty COventry is to Zimbabwe. Babies will be named in his honor down there. Should Oussama return to Tunisia, he will get a hero's welcome.

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Ugh. Dara Torres again finishes with a silver. I just had a bad feeling that it was going to happen. And Phelps is swimming only the butterfly leg. I may have to do a Top 5 Reason You Can't Blame very soon. To add to insult, the Chinese get another medal, and another bronze.

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Meanwhile at the shooting gallery, Matthew Emmons is busy in the Men's 50-meter Rifle 3 Positions Qualification.

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Michael Phelps got gold number 8, passing Mark Spitz.

I yelled at the heavens, "He did it! HE did it! Oh my fucking God, he did it!" Unfortunately, BongaMom was not very pleased that I screamed in the streets in celebration. She even so far as to wish that she could stab me with a knife to shut me up.

Well, well, well. People have vivid imaginations about killing people. We have our choice of weapons, too. For her it's a knife; for me it's a gun. And it runs in our family because we're coffee drinkers. She could have done better by not making it such a deal of it. But that's not her, and I knew that the Bedlam Cycle restarted.

It's not secret, really, BongaDad told me, "You're crazy." "Crazy in a celebratory way," I replied. "That makes millions of us around this country supporting the team. Like Mom, you shouldn't be making a big deal of it."

Obviously, both of them don't understand, let alone embrace the historical impact of this win for the 4 x 100m medley team. Or rather, they CHOOSE not to. Their loss.

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