Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Megumi Katou: 16th Saimoe Prime Minister of Japan



Good evening, Japan. Good evening, morning and afternoon, world. And a pleasant greetings to our friends in the American province-I meant, actually, state of Alabama. Our coalition that will be in government next year supports the policy and good deeds that will come from Mr. Senator-elect G. Douglas Jones. We extend our congratulations. *points* Nice work, sir. *laughter*

Anyway, I need to ask a question. How is everyone doing? *crowd roars* Let me try that again but from a more convincing angle. *creeps closer to microphone* How is everyone doing? *crowd roars louder* Sounds consistent, I can't complain. You know, months ago before I began this unique journey outside of my work with Blessing, I talked with my husband and soon to be your new First Saimoe Gentleman Tomoya Aki, or Tomo, as I call him, about platforms, what people stand for, only because I thought platforms were outdated shoes worn by youth of Shibuya Ward. *laughter* Or simply things you stand on to reach for dangerous household items. *laughter*



Then he looked at me and then to an invisible camera as if to say, what am I going to do with this young *laughter*, witty *laughter* innocent *laughter* maiden *laughter*...please, stop laughing this was real serious talk! *laughter* Ahhh, mou, carry on, as you were. *applause* No, as I was saying, he had a race that read, what I am going to do with this young witty innocent maiden that will be my wife to protect and satisfy until we turn to ashes several decades from now? *laughter*

I lifted Tomo's sweaty chin and whispered in his ear, "A lot." *laughter, applause* I seriously meant it, a lot. Fast forward to today in front of over 200,000 at this plaza where Comic Market is held and now the buzzwords, or hashtag—everyone likes to spam those things these days, it's like Pocky nowadays, just being curious—is #IToldYouSo. *crowd roars, applause*

If you guys do not know who I am by now even though I have been on this trail since early of this year and maybe far back, I will introduce myself. I am Megumi Katou of the Saekano Party, a member of the Blessing Software team and your Saimoe Prime Minister, I believe that is the 16th, sweet...*laughter*...for the 2018 Calendar Year, a pleasure to meet you. *applause* I don't do prepared speeches. To speak honest words from the heart is more important, and fairness to everyone and anyone will transform lives forever.



You're seeing this in the world today. Not just here in your own backyard in Japan, but elsewhere. One part of my platform that I will be promoting in addition to my duties of promoting Japanese pop culture and supporting the Imperial household with Korosensei is encouraging all women to take a stand against those who harm you. The #MeToo movement won TIME Person of the Year and therefore, it is an essential part of our agenda.

I am assembling my Cabinet, composed of members of my party, the Ansatsu Kyoushitsu Party and the SukaSuka Party as the Saekano Coalition to embrace and advocate the message that sexual harassment and crimes against women cannot be tolerated in this country or any self-respecting country in this dangerous world. The boys club culture in many trades is dying and we as the Saekano Coalition will ensure that fairness and respect of all genders is the rule. To those of you who challenge the new wave that continues to rise from the West to here in the East, we will defeat you like our Democratic allies in Alabama did to Roy Moore.



Another part of our agenda is supporting our national teams. This is a World Cup year and a Winter Olympics year coming up. I implore the men and women of this great country to support our national teams as they strive for greatness in winter sports and football. Our role as the bulwark of East Asian Strength will be showcased under our leadership and this is an initiative uniting both houses of the Saimoe Diet. We are all in to win, let us begin. I made a rhyme, see what I did there? *laughter* I appreciate you paying attention.

We come from different schools of thought and convictions, we of the Saimoe fold. But we must reach out across party lines to get work done, maybe even share some snacks and long gaming hours when there is nothing else to do. Of course, if it becomes a coed session, we may have problems. *winks* *laughter, applause, men get nosebleeds* Please clean up after yourselves, you whose noses are in poor shape, that's horrible from you! *laughter*

Ram, Emilia (party leader), and Rem (deputy party leader) of the Re:Zero Coalition, the 2018 Saimoe Diet party in opposition.


Going on to the point, I talked to Emilia and her right-hand mate Rem. They are two wonderful peers that I have respect for and admire. Their thoughts and platform have some aspect we may find a common ground on. From this, our Diet will have direction and purpose. Chtholly, who is busy doting on her husband Willem Kmetsch and could not be with us since she is enjoying her return from obscurity—spoiler alert, maybe? shhhh—*laughter, applause, cheers* Yeah, we're happy our mate's with us again.

Anyway, as I said, Chtholly Nota Seniorious is a very mature peer for her age and believes in our platform and will do whatever is necessary to promote what is in the best interests of us and you. She is selfless and inspiring and is worthy of being your Speaker of the Saimoe Diet. She is also a good public speaker. Willem, a gentlemen in his own right has taught her well. I am excited to work with both of them as part of our coalition.



I don't need a tiara, nor does Korosensei need a scepter. We lead without any fancy jewelry, or thrones. We believes actions speak louder than words and taking the initiative is a whole lot better that being lazy with no job, no hope, and no purpose to live. As your Saimoe Prime Minister, I appeal to my voters, to those who did not vote for me, or anyone that did notice us until I actually spoke and had these words transcribed for archive....*takes a deep breath, speaks* It's Time To Go To Work!

*crowd roars, applaud*

Now I am not talking about, you know, enlisting in the military, going into really tough work like constructions, saving cats from trees or looking for people attacking others and punishing them broad daylight. What I look for are you, the voters, helping your community and making your family, your kin, the people you work for and with proud. You don't have to do too much, but you should never do to little. Make yourself useful. Our world's tough, but if we can do it and be Saimoe representives for one of the greatest nations on Earth, you'll do the same before you even know it.

And to all women out there, if you see something wrong regarding how the boss or co-worker, who may of the opposite gender *crowd goes ooooh!* or not *crowd goes aaaah!, laughter*, give them a nice slap on the face. *laughter* No, actually, be diplomatic and talk it out and remind them that times have changed, and harassing anyone at work or elsewhere is against the ideals of the new Saimoe Diet that will be coming to you in about less than three weeks time, as of this speech, which I didn't really...write, I just spoke because I had a lot off my chest, to be fair. I hope you understand.



In the end, you don't have to be assuming to be successful. You have to ride the tides of time on a platform everyone can believe in. And when I confided this conversation to Tomo before taking the podium, reminding him of this, he had tears in his eyes and said, "You're no longer a boring girlfriend. You're a Saimoe Prime Minister, the Saimoe Leader of the Free World, something no one will ever take from you, and you will make Japan proud...if you haven't already."

That's what he said to me, verbatim. I believe it because I love him. And I love you all. I want to thank our campaign team that helped me win one of the necklaces as well as the Tiara, our support staff across all the continents, the voters for your support of the Saimoe movement, and the anime industry for making fans smile worldwide. But last of all, I want to thank you for making me believe that being boring can make you amazing, so much that I have made them one and the same. This boring girlfriend turned loyal wife and partner dedicates this victory to your solidarity throughout this journey. I want you to enjoy it and come with us as we march into the new year.



*puts on savage sunglasses, crowd roars* I know I can't see anymore, and it's dark, but you know something? The future is so bright... *crowd responds, "we gotta wear shades!" applause* Hey, you took the words out of my mouth, so unfair! *laughter* Anyway, that is all from me. Thank you for your support, we won't let you down, and from all of us at the Saekano Coalition, we hope you have a wondeful week! God Bless America, God Bless The World, and May God Bless Japan! Good night! Thank you all!

-KATOU MEGUMI
LEADER, SAEKANO COALITION
16TH SAIMOE PRIME MINISTER OF JAPAN

ISML 2017: Feel The Magic In The Air!



ISML 2017: Feel The Magic In The Air!
Liberals Megumi Katou, Korosensei Win Saimoe Prime and Deputy Saimoe Prime Minister Seats
Chtholly Nota Seniorious Returns From Dead, Elected Saimoe Speaker of the Diet

By Jo-Ryan Salazar
The Bedlam On Baltic Avenue News Desk
December 12, 2017

TOKYO, JAPAN -- Fireworks rang out across the Eastern skies as Abidjan, Ivory Coast-based ensemble Magic System performed a number of their hit songs to celebrate the victory of Megumi Katou and Korosensei, two liberal candidates who rode on a wave of confidence and energy to win the ISML Heavenly Tiara and ISML Scepter and with it, the Saimoe Prime Minister and Deputy Saimoe Prime Minister offices for the 2018 calendar year.



Katou defeated Emilia of the conservative Re:Zero Party, putting them as the official opposition in the Female Division House of the bicameral Saimoe Diet with a 8382-6969 win that correctly saw over 15000 votes cast, as projected by BoBA Exit Polls at the Bedlam on Baltic Avenue. The Re:Zero Party will be in coalition with the Oregairu Party, as former Deputy Saimoe PM Hachiman Hikigaya lost his big for reelection, 7493-6456. The Ansatsu Kyoushitsu Party will therefore be in coalition with the Saekano Party as the coalition in government.



Chtholly Nota Seniorious, the strongest candidate from the 2017 list of candidates standing for election, was named Speaker of the Saimoe Diet with a 8217-5097 landslide victory over Nayuta Kani. The SukaSuka Party is also in coalition with that which will be in government. Seniorious is also a liberal-minded leprechaun. Tomoya Aki will be the First Gentlement of the Saimoe White House, while Marisa Kirisame was named Saimoe Gensokyou Representative with the closest results of the night, a 5391-5356 nailbiter over Cirno. Megumi's win over Emilia is also the final Saimoe Upset of the Round.



In the final ranks for the Female Division, Mashiro Shiina finished third defeated Kurumi Tokisaki 6803-6409, Asuna Yuuki is fifth with a 6881-6481 win over Rem, Rin Tousaka is seventh with a 6637-6109 victory over Shiro, Megumin is ninth with a 6514-5502 pumping of Kurisu Makise, Illyasviel won Einzbern was 11th with a 6432-6102 decision over Taiga Aisaka, Yukino Yukinoshita was 13th wiht a 6993-5623 win over Rikka Takanashi, Utaha Kasumigaoka—a member of the winning coalition—finished 15th with a 6843-5495 smashing of Nao Tomori and Saber slashed past Chino Kafuu 6958-5943 to finish 17th. All in this round will be members of the Saimoe Diet.



Over in the final ranks for the Male Division,  Saitama punched Yuzuru Otonashi 5963-5407 to finish third, Taki Tachibana smashed Nagisa Shiota 6585-5408 to finish fifth, Touma Kamijou broke Gilgamesh 5995-5285 for seventh, Souma Yukihira dominated Karma Akabane 5867-5356 for ninth, eleventh place went to Levi withh a 5856-5679 decision over Kiritsugu Emiya, Kazuma Satou stormed past Ryuuji Takasu 5554-4981 for 1th, Edward Elric was 15th with a 5530-5384 win over Shirou Emiya and Koyomi Araragi ended up in 17th with a 5253-5206 barnburner over Rintarou Okabe.



Katou and Korosensei will be sworn in on New Year's Eve 2017 and begin their terms at exactly midnight, January 1, 2018. Their term will end at midnight, January 1, 2019.

This concludes the Bedlam on Baltic Avenue's coverage of the 2017 International Saimoe League, the world's premier anime character competition. Join us again next year for the 2018 edition of the ISML and be sure to keep it here on the Bedlam on Baltic Avenue and our network of sites for all things Saimoe and Japanese pop culture.



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