The Miami Dolphins undefeated streak extends to 36 years!

The Miami Dolphins undefeated streak extends to 36 years!

By Jo-Ryan Salazar
Bedlam on Baltic Avenue
February 4, 2008

Move aside, De La Salle Spartans, and make way for a real undefeated streak.

Patience pays off. That’s an old maxim quoted by an anonymous sage. For the 1972 Miami Dolphins, their patience could have paid off any better. Led by Mercury Morris, Garo Yepremian, Larry Little and Jim Kiick, the Dolphins used a balance of watching and waiting to defeat the 2007 New England Patriots, 17-14, before a crowd of senior citizens with walkers at their house in Miami.

Their unbeaten streak lasting for 36 commercial-infested seasons and counting, the Dolphins, in spite of being physically unable to play American football the way it is played in the NFL today, continue to defy conventional wisdom by throwing two crucial passes to David Tyree and Plaxico Burress, who are capable of playing football at this level.

“”Obviously, we’re proud to still have to longest undefeated streak in the League, more than those scumbags from New England,” Kiick said. “Is New England even a city? There isn’t any place in the map called New England. The way they played, Matsushita Denko Impulse would have ran them out of town.”

The remark was met with a loud roar from the old farts, as well as some octogenarians with Alzheimer’s who scratched their heads in confusion as to what a “…Matsushahahwahsawasha Dengo Impulse ish,” one said. “Well, I knows what’s deh Impulse part is, but I don’t know hossfeathers about the other stuff the chap was saying. Actually…I want to ask you a question, young man…what’s an Impulse?”

“They rplayed a fabulous game and I really thought they deserved to win,” tight end Jim Mandich said. “I really feel the better team won…As for the 1972 Miami Dolphins, I don’t take joy in the fact that the Patriots lost…wait a minute, I do! Ha Ha Ha, Tom Brady got screwed by Tyree~~~~~! Ahahahahahah! <3>

Brady, QB for the Patriots, was seen heading on the team bus with a noose and a wakazashi (hara-kiri blade) in his left hand, and a death poem in unrecognizable weeaboo kanji in the other.

“Thanks for supporting us,” New York Giants guard Chris Snee said. “You are our masters, and we must fulfill our duty to our masters, because had Tyree dropped that pass from Eli [Manning, Archie’s bastard child], all of us would have hung ourselves.”

The Flying Elvis was unable to comment.

The next exciting episode of the Masters...

  • Paul Lotman inches closer to the Thousand Kills Society
    • Based on my counts, he is now at 971 kills. He is on pace to join the club on the first road match of a February stretch against Pepperdine.
  • The crowd ooohs, aaahs, and everything in between.
    • A sheer testament to a great victory for Alan Knipe's crew.
  • The Revenge Tour continues.
    • Yes, for two reasons. 1. USC's women's tennis team swept us the day before. 2. USC beat us on our home floor last year. But we aren't through with them yet.
  • Athleticism...Le Sexy Volleyball revived!
    • This is what happens when all that practice in the summer and fall pays off, as well as conditioning the right ways.
  • The explanation behind, "There are ALTERNATIVES."
    • A clear pun on Trojan latex condoms, spermicide, lubricants, etc. Now, don't get me wrong, Trojan is a trusted brand among those who want to practice safe sex. But, I pointed out that there are other brand that provide just as effective protection, maybe even better. Of course, mention abstinence, and all bets are off.
  • Yours truly bounces, bends, falls flat, sings, dings, bangs, hangs and rises, adjusts his frowns a la Yin from Darker than Black, dons faces, and even gives the Masters a tongue-lashing for nearly letting USC successfully back into Game 2. (And also flings shirt off.)
    • This was a fun game. I just witnessed it.
  • New single from the Beach Band: Muse's "Knights of Cydonia."
    • A solid rendition, too.
  • Side adventures of Brigham Young against Cal State Northridge.
    • BYU took out the Matadors, 3-1.
  • Dean Bittner avenges Trojans' Dirty Tactics of violation of "Dahleeeng"
    • In a very solid way, too. Dean is an awesome specimen. At 6-foot-7, 187 pounds, the Lakewood High grad continues to make more than a splash. In this match, he had 13 kills and five blocks.
  • Who is Dahleeeng!?
    • Paul Lotman.
  • No, seriously, who is Dahleeeng!!?
    • Paul Lotman. Seriously.
  • USC's men miss the Wench from Wroclaw, Asia Kaczsor (who is still a whore for single-handedly breaking our hearts last autumn).
    • If you have been following Brian Gimmilaro's ladies last semester, you know the story. Long Beach State's men would prove too much for Mick Haley's Helens, but we will never really know for sure.
  • JR's take on USC women, and their impurity in the eyes of the Beach
    • Spent too much money. More than likely knows someone who knows someone who knows someone, etc. I put my university's poon in a more positive light than theirs.
  • The spinaround...and the Night Boat to Cairo!?.
    • Before the match, I spun myself dizzy. The result of caffeine put to good use. Night Boat to Cairo is a song from the debut album of Madness, entitled, "One Step Beyond." I sung that minutes before the match, and the spinaround was afterward. Definitely surreal.
  • We are still third in the nation.
    • Confirmed