A fake press release...

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
18 September 2005
The “White House”

To whom this may concern,

The “White House” and our leader, Jo-Ryan Salazar, received a message from one of the executive board members of the International Fraternity of Delta Sigma Pi, Lambda Phi Chapter that a letter regarding whether or not Jo-Ryan Salazar has been invited to be a provisional member of the chapter will be distributed at the ABSOC office on 19 September 2005, at 2:00 p.m. PST. The 40-member staff of the “White House” is excited about this news, and is anticipating the outcome of this letter with wondrous anticipation.

Should the letter be that of an invitation, an official press conference will take place at the “White House” press room at approximately 6:00 p.m. PST. Jo-Ryan is expected, upon receiving this invitation, to formally accept it, as well as state his goals for the Alpha Nu pledge class, which is where Jo-Ryan will be grouped with this semester. Also, Jo-Ryan will be present at the first event of this process, which will be 4:00 p.m. PST, Friday, 23 September, at a location to be determined, albeit it will be on campus.

Should the letter be that of a rejection, an official press conference will take place at the “White House” press room, at the same time as that of an invitation. Jo-Ryan will then announce his next steps after this rejection has been affirmed. As this is the worst-case scenario, the “White House” team will schedule a 30-minute meeting following the press conference to evaluate other options for Jo-Ryan.

While we will not expect the chapter’s letter to be that of an invitation or that of a rejection, we are confident that the chapter will make or has made a decision that will place the future of this esteemed organization in the best direction possible.


Jay R. Boogimon
Press Secretary
The “White House”