Oh boy! The first Akuma Homura x Madoka smut on this site!
...And it's utterly terrible!
Wow, this was bad. The only thing that was passable was the grammar. Everything was off. The characterisation? Everyone was OOC. The conversations were wooden and almost like it was just one person talking to themself. All the smattered, weeaboo Japanese made me cringe. "Mou..."? Just make them say "Jeez..." or something! It's not hard!
It's like you didn't understand Rebellion at all. Oh, suddenly, Madoka has her powers back and Homura's okay with that and they're getting along and banging? I was excited for this sort of smut because of the emotional development a writer could explore. There was nothing here. It was a thinly-veiled excuse to get them back in bed and write boring smut. And then you have them use their powers for dumb, implausible, selfish reasons. Why the hell would they expose themselves as the Goddesses of the world? Seems counter-productive to me. And Madoka's altruism wouldn't let her do that.
You also took all the drama out of Saimoe. "Oh hey, Madoka wins!" What, no mention of Homura's early dive? Madoka's revenge against Ayase once she got out of the loser's tournament? How strong the showing of Madoka Magica girls were? The fact that Sayaka, unpopular Sayaka, beat previous winner Mami? No mention of the only non-meguca to get to the semi-finals, the Main Character of Jinrui wa Suitai Shimashita? This story actually had some potential, and it was wasted on ruining the story of Rebellion and sending the other characters to a concert for no real reason.
I've read some of your other stories and while they're a little better, they all suffer from the same problems. There's one problem in particular... you insert all these references only you care about and don't mesh with the story. When Kyouko, Sayaka, Mami, and Nagisa delve into which teams they like? That made no sense. It was as if you were saying "Oh, here's some facts I know."
For God's sake STOP PUTTING LYRICS IN YOUR STORIES. They're padding, and technically it's not allowed. Nobody reads the lyrics and nobody cares about your favourite bands and singers. It makes your fic look bigger than it is and it's cheating.
This fic is a messy, boring, OOC clusterfuck. You're writing down things that you like without concern for making it coherent and in-character. Madoka Magica is a very character-based story. This was a series of confusing events with the Madoka Magica characters idly shoved in.
Let's start from the beginning. First off, welcome to the world of JR Salazar's fics, where the author has his own style of writing this and has no intentions of changing the formula unless you pay him thousands of dollars. Now I hate the term weeaboo because calling someone a weeaboo makes you one as well. That's called guilt by association and is lame. Second, I believe you don't have to know something to write about thing. I work as a sports journalist for the FanSided Network, and I try to know what I know. You see this with all of the sportswriters out there: they know little about what they write to begin with but still churn it out anyway because they need reads and clicks and page impressions. Homura and Madoka are my yuri pair. If you don't like the way these two love other, too bad. It was the main attraction in Ding Dong and the selling point, so this is more of the same.
This Saimoe wasn't about the other characters. This was about Madoka. The other characters really didn't matter. If Watashi made the final, she would be there. If Mami made the final, she would be there. If any of the other clowns on the other side of the bracket made it, they'd be mentioned. Ruri only got a passing mention because of ISML. None of the other Top 16 characters except for Sayaka and Kyouko Sakura needed to be mentioned in this fic because it's not about them. This is about Madoka.
Okay, you read some of my other fanfiction, good for you. Well, there are some missing parts that would have been explored if they were mentioned in canon. So I have to add them because they are not mentioned in canon and I do add them because it adds depth. To me, Madoka Magica's character descriptions were incomplete and some other info was missing. So I add them. Well Madoka Magica is fictional anyway, so you whining about references I care about is irrelevant and laughable.
If this was an issue regarding lyrics, my account on FF.net would have been shut down months ago. No action has been done, no action will be done. I have updates to Gunners High and Poke-ON! forthcoming in December and there will be lyrics. As long as my account is active, I have the final word, regardless of your complaints, because these are my fics, after all. Nobody reads and nobody cares? You just did by reviewing my fic here! What bloody hypocrisy!
Again, this is how I do my work. If it's solid, fine. If it's messy, boring, OOC clusterfucks as you say, par for the course. What I'm telling you is that I am not going to change the way I write my work here. Furthermore, I did hint to another review that this could be a satire of what happened in Rebellion. Well, I've changed my mind. It is a satire and a protest to Homura's actions in Rebellion. So I'm making her make it up to Madoka so that she is able to settle things. Of course, this is all going to go south if we have a second season, but for the time being, this is what it is.
You know what is a real mess? This year's Saimoe. With the administrators clamping down on fake votes, all the steam, all the energy from this year's edition of the tournament went out and what was left was an unprofessional clusterfuck that is even worse than what you argue on my fic, which I actually made the effort to assemble. My fics are not going to be completely canon. Walk-ON! and the two sequels weren't canon. Ding Dong wasn't canon. Roadshow was an original story and Poke-ON! is an alternate universe crossover. Are those clusterfucks too? If that's the case, every fic is, but you clowns still read them and write them. They will exist, whether you like it or not. Just like this year's 2013 Anime Saimoe Tournament, which has been decried by many as a clusterfuck in an of itself.
One more thing: ante up and post your reviews with a registered account on FF.net. Since this was anonymous, and I can't reply to it, I have to remove it while laughing out loud. Well, I am still laughing out loud, because if I hit you hard with this fic, Rebellion fanboy, I've done my job. Cheers!
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